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Write three paragraphs (50-75 words each) about a bogus news event that has nothing to do with political candidates or elections. Use quotes from fictional characters. Aim for parody with a serious tone.

Here’s mine:


The introduction of the latest editions to Mattel’s toy empire, Hipster Barbie and Hipster Ken, was met with mixed emotions at their unveiling in New York this past weekend. According to Jack Horner of The Associated Press, it’s not that big of a deal. In Horner’s words, “We’re talking about children’s toys, people; dolls have no place in the news—not unless they were possessed and murdered someone. Get over it.”


Wendy Darling of the Coalition for Realistic and Affirmative Parenting (CRAP) had a slightly different view of the event and the dolls. She has issued a lengthy statement on behalf of CRAP regarding Mattel’s latest product. Mattel likes the content of her speech so much that they are currently in negotiations with CRAP for the rights to use the speech in an advertising campaign. Says Darling, “The toys we are giving our children should be relevant … these look like many of their moms and dads … spot on.”


Cinder Ella, a member of the NYC Youth Relevance movement, was also in attendance that day. Unimpressed, she had this to say: “Frankly, we thought the Hipster movement was already dead. It’s the middle class creating its own subculture by trying too hard; if the movement’s not dead, it should be.”