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40437357_sI have been warning humans for centuries that the beautiful Elf Prince would turn out to be an evil prick, but did anybody listen to me?

Of course, not—you just gawked at him.

He’s the elegant asshole; I’m a third his height, helpful to a fault, and I share my name with a dessert. Not to mention that my boobs are disproportionate—it’s like nature’s cruel joke. Seriously, nobody talks to my face around here, and it’s starting to piss me off.

Your whole species is seriously effed up and I don’t even know if I feel like helping you guys anymore. At the very least, I’m done with the housework.

If you want me to help you save humanity, I’m telling you now, get a maid and stop acting like the apes that you came from.